Your husband knows you love him (hopefully), but what does he have to do to get a cuddle from your furry friend who is shamelessly playing favourites?
Let’s look at the most likely reason why your dog sleeps on you every night, but not your husband – plus 11 other possible reasons and some helpful tips.
The Most Likely Reason: You Have A Stronger Bond
The amount of time you spend with your dog is important, and it will be a big factor for her in selecting who she likes most. Dogs crave companionship and will feel most at ease with the person that she spends the most time with.
The quality of that time is very important too. Walking together will strengthen the bond, as will playing with her.
Training her, which is engaging her intelligence, will create the strongest bond of all.
If your spouse hasn’t been giving much attention to his dog recently and you have, this is very likely why she chooses to cuddle up to you when it’s time to sleep.
11 Other Reasons
Some or all of the following reasons may play a part, but many of them will tie back to the strong bond the two of you share.
You’re The Main Caregiver
In a dog’s life, the person who looks after her is frequently the most important to her.
Think about it from her point of view – if you’re the one that:
- spends a lot of time with her
- feeds her
- plays with her
- teaches her exciting new things
- takes her for walks
- pets her constantly and generally shows her lots of love
…of course she’ll want to cuddle up to you when she’s going to sleep!
Positive Associations
It might be that your dog associates you with good things happening.
Do you spoil her with petting, scratching, cuddles, or lots of yummy treats? Dogs usually long for more such positive associations.
This is why they might prefer to spend time with you, including sleeping on you.
Perhaps, your spouse has created plenty of restrictions for your dog and so they choose to maintain a distance rather than risk getting into trouble.
It is similar to two parents, one is a disciplinarian while the other is mellow.
The other possibility is that your spouse might have been hostile or aggressive, either recently or in the past. Your dog might be scared of it happening again and so keeps her distance.
You Have The Same Sleep Cycle
Do you and your partner go to bed at the same time every night? Is he the first to arrive, or does he crawl into bed later? If this is the case, your dog may simply want to sleep at the same times you do.
If you’re the primary caregiver, you’ve most likely established a daily routine with your dog.
This includes time spent walking, playing, training and eating.
As a consequence, your dog has learned you set the schedule for when things happen, and this includes bedtime. She’s simply following your lead and going to bed when you do.
Matching Personalities
Like humans, dogs also tend to like others with similar personalities to their own.
If both you and your dog are dynamic, vibrant, and like playing games, while your spouse is more laid back and not so high energy, your dog is likely to see you as a kindred spirit and prefer to sleep on you.
This isn’t to say she doesn’t like your husband, but you’re her favourite.
She Considers Your Husband A Threat
Your dog may perceive your partner as hostile. This isn’t to say your husband is being intentionally threatening, just that your dog reads him that way.
Dogs, the same as people, generally avoid individuals who are potentially a threat, preferring instead to associate with those who are more inviting.
Reading up a little on dog body language will likely give you a better idea if this is the case. Our article on calming signals is a good place to start.
She Knows Your Husband Doesn’t Want Her Close
Dogs are quite smart. Research has shown that the mental abilities of a dog are equivalent to a two year old child. [1]
When you look at your dog, the love and affection pouring out of you can be sensed by your dog.
They can pick up on the hints given by humans. If your husband does not like cuddling, then your dog may be able to sense that.
If he is not as welcoming as you then your dog might know to stay away from him and snuggle up to you when she’s going to sleep.
Unfamiliarity
If you and your dog have recently moved in with your new husband then it could be she is still a little uncertain about the new human in her life.
In the company of a newcomer, dogs can become more wary as they do not know who the stranger is and what they might do.
Better to stick to what she knows, which is sleeping on you.
Smell
This is a funny cause, but it could also be a part of why your dog chooses you!
Dogs have a keen sense of smell, so if your husband’s heavy aftershave or inherent aroma offends her, she might want to be closer to you just because you smell nicer to her.
You wouldn’t want to sleep on a smelly pillow either, would you?
Sleeping Position
Your partner may be accidentally causing your dog to be uncomfortable while resting in bed, such as by lightly pushing or squeezing her.
If he tends to change position a lot while he sleeps this could also be something your dog doesn’t like.
Getting woken up every few minutes is no fun, and she might even be worried about getting squished – especially if she’s a puppy!
Dogs Prefer Women
Research has indicated that dogs may prefer women as, throughout history, they were more likely to be seen as “person-like” and included in family life if they had a good relationship with women. [2]
Being accepted by people is really the main reason for dogs’ success as a species, so your dog preferring to sleep on you could well be a kind of “survival instinct” build into her.
Location & Protection
It’s possible that your dog isn’t actually sleeping on you because she prefers you, but because you happen to be in her preferred spot of the bed.
If she always lays closest to the door (her protecting you), or furthest away (you protecting her), this could be the reason.
Of course, she may be choosing to protect you in-particular as she has the strongest bond with you.
She may also just find that spot of the bed particularly comfortable for whatever reason!
Tips To Get Your Dog To Sleep On Your Husband
Talk to your husband before you try and fix the problem.
It may be that he doesn’t consider it a problem at all, and would rather not have the dog sleeping on him (yes, some people don’t like dogs sleeping on them – weird right?)
Most of these suggestions aim to increase the bond between your husband and his dog, so he must be on board for it to work.
Ask Her!
The first thing he should try is to simply call her to come and lay next to him.
It’s possible that she is just in the routine of sleeping on you, and has never been encouraged to do any different.
If you haven’t tried this already, it’s definitely worth a shot.
He should be enthusiastic and give her lots of attention if she does come over, maybe even stroking her to sleep.
Create Together Time For Your Dog & Your Spouse
You and your dog are already connected enough. Your spouse, on the other hand, must put in the necessary effort and start spending time with her.
They can do this by going for a stroll once or twice a day, or playing a game together. Ideally, your spouse should begin training your dog and rewarding her with treats.
Mentally stimulating your dog is the best way to create a strong bond.
Not to add how pleased she’ll be when her treats are earned. According to a study, canines prefer to earn their treats rather than merely having them. [3]
We recommend Brain Training For Dogs for this purpose – their training and games are virtually guaranteed to create an unbreakable bond between the two of them.
Make Your Husband The Primary Caregiver
At least for a little while, let your spouse take over the day to day care of the dog, including feeding. In this manner, your pet’s brain will quickly create good connections with your spouse.
Once your dog starts to sleep on your husband, you should then share the responsibility equally – or she may only want to sleep on your husband and not on you!
Make Positive Associations
Show your dog that good things happen when she is close to your husband.
Dogs respond well to positive reinforcement. Your dog will relate better to your spouse in no time when your husband rewards her with snacks, love and affection regularly.
Here’s what your husband can do:
- Sit on the sofa or the floor and pat the spot beside him.
- With a treat ready in his hand call the dog over to him.
- Once she’s next to him give her the treat.
- If she stays there, continue to give her treats and lots of attention, especially as she gets more relaxed.
- If not, repeat the exercise until she learns that good things happen when she cuddles up to your husband.
Positive reinforcement is not just the most efficient form of dog training, but it’s also fun. And it’s the best way to train a dog to do anything.
Go To Bed After Them
Let your husband and dog go to bed before you.
He should encourage the dog to join him, using treats if necessary.
Don’t force her to do anything as this will only weaken trust.
Wait until your dog is nicely settled next to your husband before you arrive. If she still gets up to lay on you, next time you can try waiting until she’s fast asleep before you quietly slide in.
You can also try swapping places in the bed, so your husband lays where you usually would and vice versa.
Let your husband get up first in the morning and take your dog to the toilet, for a walk, give her breakfast etc.
Final Thoughts
There are many factors that can influence which human your dog prefers to sleep on, but it is most likely to come down to who she has a stronger bond with.
Your husband shouldn’t feel bad about this, as his dog almost certainly still loves him unconditionally too.
However there are steps you can take if you do want to try to change this behavior – I’m sure the ideal would be for your dog to be happy to lay on whichever of you calls her over.
In fact, it may be just as simple as that: your husband encouraging his dog to lay with him.
Failing that, if your husband spends more time looking after and doing things with her, she will naturally form a stronger bond with him and be much more likely to cuddle up to him.
If none of the suggestions here are working for you, try asking a dog trainer / behaviorist to visit your home. They should be able to tell you exactly what is happening in your particular case.
Sleeping Dogs FAQs
Do dogs pick a favorite person?
Just like we do, dogs will prefer people who they have positive associations with. This isn't necessarily the primary caregiver either - although the human feeding them will definitely rank as highly important! They are more likely to bond with the person who plays with them, gives them lots of attention, and trains them. Some dog breeds do tend to bond more strongly to a single person than others.
What does it mean when your dog sleeps against you?
Generally, it's a sign of love and affection! Your dog feels bonded to you and wants to be close to you. Don't worry if your dog doesn't want to sleep against you though: it's a personal preference and some dogs just aren't cuddly sleepers.
Do dogs prefer to sleep with their owners?
It depends on the dog. Some dogs love to cuddle up to the people they feel close to, others prefer to have their own space. Even if they don't want to sleep next to you though, they may still want to sleep on your nice big comfy bed!
Why does my dog change who he sleeps with?
He probably doesn't have a favorite person and is simply choosing where to sleep based on the current situation. Maybe there happens to be a nice dog shaped gap right next to you one night, but the next night you've eaten something he doesn't like the smell of so he prefers to cuddle up to your partner (who doesn't currently stink of garlic).
References
- The Intelligence Of Dogs: Canine Consciousness and Capabilities – Stanley Coren, PhD
- Dog-Human Coevolution: Cross-Cultural Analysis of Multiple Hypotheses – Jaime Chambers, Marsha B. Quinlan, Alexis Evans, Robert J. Quinlan
- Positive affect and learning: exploring the “Eureka Effect” in dogs – Ragen T. S. McGowan, Therese Rehn, Yezica Norling & Linda J. Keeling
Feature image by Burst
